Mommy Wars

Seattle can be an intense place to have children. We are all very well educated and very well intentioned- we expect our children to be loving, caring, active, smart, intense (liberal) individuals when they grow up. We believe that we can give our kids what we didn't have- whatever that may be. For me, I want my kids to be more self confident- I think Rick would say something like being happy. What is happiness? My definition is #1- don't do anything that you will really regret- like getting pregnant or going to jail. #2- having good friends. Knowing how to cultivate and maintain friendships. #3. How to feel empathy for others, know how to think of others. #4. Know how to listen and try to learn from others- there is no reason that a kid needs to learn by "doing". Enough of that- we "humans" have been around a long enough time to pass down some good logic. We teach our kids to not put their hands in the fire- I think we now must step up the game to teach social and emotional intelligence.

Stay at Home Mom's vs Working Full Time Moms
I wish that I could be a stay at home mom, but not possible. I know that my working will help create a better financial future for my family. Yes, I have a nanny. By not taking time off- by pretty much working the whole time since I was first pregnant- over 8 years ago, I was able to raise my income by over $20K in that time frame. Even though it doesn't look that good right now, I do have a 401k retirement account. Our house has actually, barely, maintained its value, so someday I do expect that investment to pay off.

Are there people who are better off than me? Yes. Do I envy mothers that have more time for their families? Yes.

Something that I just realized recently is that working moms have a very limited amount of time to be social and/or to meet for play dates. My impression is that a stay at home mom can have "social" time during the day while their working counterparts do not have that luxury. A working mother's time for "social" is often weekends. Many times this interrupts a stay at home mom's time with her husband and extended family. So there is a direct conflict- even for the best of intentioned.

Sometimes it is very hard to create the connections that you want to make to insure your child's social and emotional success. (The truth is that your college friends will probably take a different path than you, so those relationships change once children arrive- one has to forge anew) There is pressure to create a new network of friends who have kids your kids age. I have found this to be harder than I expected. I think I may need to read the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. Do you think he has a "mommy" section?

Stay at Home Mothers are way too defensive. If I make a comment like"...I don't think I could stay home 100%, but it would sure be great to only work 30 hours a week." I am not comparing myself to you- I am voicing a fact. It is wrong in this society that I cannot get paid well unless I work over 40 hours a week.

Grandmothers
I have friends who have wonderful- active- grandmothers. I do not. I hate the fact when someone complains about their mother. I am envious of friends who have grandparents that play a very active role with the family. To be more specific- they babysit, pick the kids up from school if need be, and provide emotional and financial support.